so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
