I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
