I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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