Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
