My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
