Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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