You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
