final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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