i permit you to call me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
