the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
