I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
