I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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