Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
