I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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