I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
