well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
