He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
