5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
