how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
