he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
