At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
