They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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