she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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