I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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