Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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