Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
