The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
