Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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