Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
