She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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