Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
