Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
