I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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