I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
