Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
