i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize