This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
