i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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