Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
