vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
