Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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