the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its not stalking. its research.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
