I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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