he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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