She bit a glass in half.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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