fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
