porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
