Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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