he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
