I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
