Small penises have feelings too.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
