I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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