I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
