New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
