cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
