if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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