Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize