At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
