The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you will always have a special place in my vag
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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