I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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