Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
