Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
