and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You ruined the universe
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
