i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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