She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My ass is underappreciated
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
