Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
