just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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