1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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