we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
