I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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