If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
