If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
