Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I understand Curling. That high.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
