I must be too annoying 4 u.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
