There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
