Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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