Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
